Episode 9: I’m Okay, Just Fine

Welcome to the podcast. Thanks for joining me. I’m your host, Christopher Gajewski.

Let’s get naked about mental health!

In this episode…I’m going off script, off the reservation. I had other things planned but the suicidal thoughts are back so I thought I would talk about them.

At this point, I wish I had the money to talk to a professional. http://www.betterhelp.com, but it is tough balancing needs and dwindling savings. It is one of my triggers. And I have been triggered.

They say, and I agree, that money can’t buy happiness. I always joke that it sure does help, and happiness can be rented for a while.

People look at the rich and powerful that suffer and think, what do they have to be depressed about? But it is not about money for some. It is about triggers. For me, it can be about money, or lack thereof. Financial stability helps me maintain a mentally healthier lifestyle. For them, it could be any of a number of things.

But let’s get into me and see where it leads.

I see a lot of posts about suicide awareness. It’s the month for it. Suicide awareness Month. A lot of the posts are about reaching out to people and to check on them.

Call to check on me. You will find a happy, healthy and perfectly fine guy. It is the facade I wear when the suicidal thoughts come back. You won’t find the guy that was overwhelmed last night and this past weekend, gave up on the podcast, and laid down in bed fully clothed with the lights on and fell asleep, my only escape.

I woke up this morning wondering who the hell that person was last night.

I screwed up. I opened the door to the depression, and it came rushing through…

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