Finding Teachers

Yeah, this column is difficult to write, as I think the next few will be. I am finding a great deal of teaching and help on the website with my medication, a step forward each day to better mental health.

The hardest part about it is the knowledge that I have been before. I have found teachers. I enter into the realm of the therapy “no’s no’s.” Should have, could have, would have.

Last night, I took a deep dive into my very old writings. I am looking for a guided mediation that a friend taught me a long time ago, that I never practiced, that I am trying to remember now. I didn’t find it. But I did find other things.

A cool thing was the fact that my online journal entries came up on the website I built with the MS program back in 2001. The hardest part was realizing I have been writing about the same things since 2001, and probably before.

At 54, I need to look upon everything, including myself, with softer eyes.

As I write this, begin to explore this, I can feel the no’s no’s behind me (I need to come up with a better word). I can hear the snaking uncoiling of the cat of nine tails. I can smell the leather as it rubs against itself.

I remember the intention I set yesterday during my practice: be kinder to yourself, Christopher. Be gentler.

And so, I will be.

That first teacher really rocked my world. I had gone to the University of Miami with the Philly chip on my shoulder, the uninformed arrogance of youth. Keep in mind, this was decades before eastern thought and philosophies began entering the mainstream.

A professor of mine, Sara, took me aside after class one day and started talking about Chakras. I was stupid enough and arrogant enough to laugh. She gave me a knowing smile and invited me to her place so she could align my chakras.

I didn’t believe in any of that crap. But, though I was stupid and arrogant, I wasn’t THAT stupid and arrogant. I was a journalism major, and EVERYBODY in the magazine world knew Sara. She had published my first articles. Though I didn’t believe in it, I knew better than to refuse. So, I went to her place to humor her.

We chatted for a little while, with the lights dim, and then she had me sit on her very comfortable sofa. She sat in a chair across from me. She had me close my eyes, and just start listening to her voice as she led me through a guided mediation to align my chakras.

I felt weird. Odd. Not bad, but just unusual. I still didn’t believe in any of this crap, but I could feel something happening inside of me. I was firmly and totally an arrogant SW Philly boy, Catholic, skeptic. This was all nonsense as I felt a building of energy inside of me. Psychosomatic. My mind playing a trick on me. I would soon open my eyes and give Sara a stupid smile…

Something snapped inside of me. This was 30 years ago and I can remember the feel. I passed out.

I had had no idea how long I was out for when I finally came around and opened my eyes and came back to a sitting position. Sara did not say anything as she handed me a glass of water. No judgment. I think there was a ghost of a smile.

“How are you feeling,” she asked.

I felt sleepy but energized. I felt good. I felt great.

We talked as I sipped my water. I had been out for about 20 minutes. “You should do this guided meditation daily,” she explained. “It will help you stay mentally healthy. It will keep your chakras aligned. I’ll send it to through email.” –a very new thing in those days.

The rustling of the whips as I approach this topic further and in depth. No, guys, go away. Piss off. I’m being kinder and gentler with myself. There is no need for you. This is just another lesson I need to embrace. Though it is a lesson I learned 30 years ago, I’ll move forward with it now.

My daily guided mediation is still evolving. I’m including basic elements of that one I learned so long ago, and including others from other teachers I have learned. I cannot find that original one, so I just ordered a book on chakras. There is a natural place for them in the work I do now. I’ll include them as I learn more about them.

A very common piece of advice I have for younger people is, “don’t be like me, don’t wait so long.” I learned everything the hard way.

A common piece of advice I have for people my age is, “it’s never too late to get it right.”

A common piece of advice I have for myself these days is simply, “Aloha. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.”

Aloha

–I’ll get into why I use Aloha so much in my next column. It’s important. But if you can’t wait, it is something that I have written about many. many times. You can find my column/podcast about it here.

As I journey, all are welcome. You can follow me on my website (it’s free) and feel free to share this with anybody and everybody.