Foreword & Introduction: Let’s Unmask Mental Illness!

“Let’s Unmask Mental Illness!” is a podcast I did starting in 2022. 33 episodes later, I compiled the transcripts into a book, with some editing. “A Journey Into Depression: An Intimate Odyssey Towards Hope.” I never published anything here on LinkedIn.

At the time, I was still recovering from a fiery, burnout that had left my life in shambles and I was job hunting. There was a certain amount of fear posting here, where I was also looking for employment. It’s the same fear that I feel when I see the checkbox on applications asking if I am or ever was disabled.

The Odyssey towards hope included three crucial foundational supports: purpose, passion, and authenticity. This is where I explored myself to find out what they were and who I was. The podcast began with the title, “Let’s Get Naked About Mental Illness!” I approached myself with the softest of eyes, the truest of mirrors, completely vulnerable, and recorded it all.

Our motto in the Infantry is “Follow Me!” You are more than welcome to follow along my journey. Recorded episodes can be found on the website.

This is the Foreword and Introduction:

I thought I had things managed, until I realized they were about as far from managed as they could possibly get.

 In 2000, I was diagnosed with Major Depression, PTSD and Anxiety Disorder. I started counseling, was put on meds, and got on with my life. I thought I had things under control. I mean, I was taking my Zoloft regularly, working, living, and doing all of the things you were supposed to do. I was okay.

But I was not okay. I would later realize that I lived a life of quiet desperation as a highly functional depressive. It finally caught up to me in 2018.

I still had no idea what was going on, only that the depression that I thought I was handling struck like a sledgehammer. From the outside looking in, I had everything. Inside, I was empty and exhausted beyond anything I had ever known.

At 47, I put a plan in motion to end my life.

It was a good plan! A great plan: one last adventure and then I would call it a day. In 2019, I sold my business, asked my wife for a divorce, put my house up for sale, and planned on going overseas where I would travel a bit and then find a nice, quiet beach to kill myself.

The pandemic screwed up everything.

In 2020, I finally put a different plan into motion and set off across the United States, chronicled in my book, “Disconnected: An Odyssey Through Covid America.”

Something happened on the highways and byways of America. I didn’t find hope, but I found pieces of things that I might be able to put together to form a new life, a healthier life. First though, I needed to get through the next few months.

Aye, it was a good plan. A great plan. When I did not follow through with it, I knew I was completely and totally screwed. I found myself in Texas, almost out of money with no job. The depression that I had been able to escape from on the roads caught up to me when I settled down.

It was sort of like being hit by a truck.

I struggled through, sitting night after night in my garage, thinking of turning on the car to allow the carbon monoxide to sweep me away.

The suicidal feelings finally began to pass but I knew that I still had a lot of work to do. I stayed there for 14 months and then took another job opportunity in Tijuana.

 That’s when I really got to work.

In June of 2022, I launched a podcast, “Let’s Get Naked About Mental Health!”

Weekly, I would strip down and talk openly and authentically about my journey from suicide to…well, to where I am. I’m still on the journey.

It was my 12th step, reaching out to people, talking to them, explaining what I had a figured out and encouraging them to begin talking about it as well, begin their journey.

I was also reaching out to the loved ones of people struggling, to help them to understand what we with depression barely understand.

This book is the combined transcripts of the podcast. It is a walk in my shoes.

You are welcome to join me on my journey.

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I begin each episode a certain way. Instead of repeating it in the book and annoying the living hell out of you, I will have it here just once. It is important.

…Before getting into the episode: the important stuff. I just want to remind everybody that I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, or any kind of professional with an –ist at the end of their title. I am just a guy who has been there.

If you are in crisis, or know somebody who is, I implore you to reach out to a professional. There is now a national hotline in the United States you can call or text. 988. I’ll repeat that because it bears repeating. If you or someone you know is in crisis, I implore you to reach out to a professional. Dialing or texting 988 in the US will put you in touch with a crisis counselor instantly.

Now, let’s get naked about mental health…

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A word about the first few episodes. I was struggling. I wanted to do it, was doing it, but I was struggling to find my voice. And a title. It may get a bit confusing at first. The “podcast for the Coffee Chronicles” would eventually become “Let’s Get Naked About Mental Health!” It would later become, “Let’s Unmask Mental Illness.” It was a process. And still is.

If you listen to the original episodes, I struggled to find my voice there as well. I can always improve but I think that by the fifth episode or so I began to hit my stride.

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Me? As I say, I am just a guy who has been there.

I’ve been many places in my 51 years. I get into it in episodes, but, before diving in, I thought I would write a little bit about myself. There is so much stigma attached to discussing mental health, so many misconceptions, and, I think, more so for men.

Depression is seen as lying in bed all day unable to move or do anything.

The supposed rules of being a man include never crying and being strong.

They are both total crap.

I’m a man. Some may even call me a manly man, with the hairy chest that I beat on occasion. I was a scrappy, scrawny, SW Philly kid, worked in most of the trades, and learned to stay away from electrical work because I always seem to end up electrocuting myself.

I joined the Army Reserves, Infantry, when I was 17 and became one of the youngest non-commissioned officers at 20. Then, I went off to college to earn my degree in Communications (Journalism) from the University of Miami, Coral Gables. I did a semester abroad at the University of Glasgow and backpacked through Europe.

I have a speech impediment, a stutter, and my two favorite sayings are, “I don’t give a rat’s ass,” and “I’m too old for this shit.” The stutter has been lifelong, the sayings since I was 30 or so. I have a bad attitude. You can take the boy out of Philly, but you can’t take the Philly out of the boy.

I am a business owner and became one of the first orthodontic labs in the country, if not the first small lab, that offered 100% digital workflow.

With the technology threatening many in my industry, I formed a national association to help–including my closest competitors. I became a leader and educator and was recognized as such in an industry publication.

During the pandemic, I added a few more things to my resume including scavenger and bootlegger.

I’ve traveled to more than a dozen countries and did a 152-day road trip across the United States. I went to all 50 states and racked up close to 40,000 miles.

I suffer from depression. It is something I have struggled with all my life, but it was when I was 30 that I was diagnosed with what I call the trifecta: Major Depression, PTSD and Anxiety Disorder.

I cry. I bawled like a baby when my cat died, my best friend for 18 years, with the snot and swollen eyes almost making it impossible for me to drive home from the vet where I just needed to be held.

I find no shame in it. I’ve been weak and sometimes not as strong as I needed to be.

In my 51 years, I’ve been human.

I know and understand that depression is an illness.

It is real.

It is treatable.

I am not alone.

There is hope.