When Trauma Isn’t Traumatic

The world is on fire. I see that being posted often. I remember another time the world was on fire. A friend and I sat in a burning room sipping coffee. The embers floated past us and flaming beams were crashing all around. We discussed it.

During Covid, I saw what was going on around me. I am a child of trauma and have known many facets of it, but this time it was different.

Traumatic events are like points in a graph of my life. Mom’s suicide attempts early on, the worst train crash in history (at the time), a 4/5 hurricane bearing down on me, etc.

My friend knew trauma as well. He actually specialized in it, a psychiatrist with multiple tours in Afghanistan. He would later treat veterans with PTSD.

“This is when people need to be talking to people that are f&*%ed up like us,” he said, in between sips of coffee. “We’re good at this shit.”

The APA defines trauma as, “an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, crime, natural disaster, physical or emotional abuse, neglect, experiencing or witnessing violence, death of a loved one, war, and more.”

When there is no EVENT though, we may not recognize that we are being traumatized. We may not see the changes in behavior and realize that we are being completely overwhelmed.

It was like that during Covid. All of our identities and daily routines were swept away in the tsunami, and many did not even realize they were adrift. I saw it in friends and family, so I started writing again (I still refuse to call them blogs). I made it regular. I wanted it to be an ongoing thing, funny and explorative, to give people something to hang on to. It may have been throwing a person a lifebuoy during a hurricane at sea, but it was something.

Is the world on fire again? I don’t know. I think it can be subjective and we have to respect the feelings of those who do think that it is. But I also wonder if what people are experiencing are flashbacks, if you will, to other times.

I remember 9/11. I was working close enough to the Pentagon that I saw the smoke rising from it. What I remember most about that day, however, is the constant assault on my senses. Every radio and tv was tuned in at work. The constant coverage hurt me. I left work.

It was the same during the 2016 election. My now ex-wife had MSNBC on 24/7. I couldn’t escape from it and just wanted silence.

I don’t watch the news now. I stay away from most social media.

I remember a time at an outdoor coffee shop with my friend, thinking that the world really screwed up with a single word. We were supposed to be practicing “social” distancing. No. We should have been practicing “physical” distancing, or some such, not “social.”

I remember my friend patting me on the back. The touch meant something. That ordinary gesture became extraordinary and memorable.

Thoughts?

#trauma #ptsd #mentalhealth #mentaslhealthawareness