He was having a heart attack but knew he couldn’t be.

Close to the end of his gym session, “Bob” started to feel unwell. A five-time Ironman competitor, he figured he just overdid it so skipped his last leg session after the inverted sit-ups and headed to the showers.

At the chairs in front of the shower room, sweating profusely, he had to sit down and take a break. He really wasn’t feeling well. He sat down and immediately started to tilt.

A guy saw him and asked if everything was okay, if he needed water or anything. Bob waived him off. “I just overdid it, but thanks.”

Bob tilted to where he was laying across the chairs. The guy came back. “You really don’t look okay. Do you want me to call an ambulance?” Bob waived him off again. “No, no ambulance. I’m fine. Just overdid it. I’m an Ironman competitor.”

Bob found himself on the floor.

The guy came back and took out his phone. “I’m calling an ambulance.” He ignored Bob’s repeated attempts to say he was fine, no ambulance, he just overdid it. The guy made the call.

With the paramedics, Bob insisted he was fine. They said he was having a heart attack.

On the way to the hospital, the medic was about to give him a medication but realized she couldn’t. Bob’s vitals were perfectly fine, except for the fact that he was having a heart attack. Bob started to think that maybe he wasn’t okay.

At the hospital, he was instantly switched to a gurney and taken to the operating room. Having seizures, they asked him not to move so they could see. He tried but failed. They strapped his arm down and inserted the dye.

He had 100% blockage in one artery. They cleared it. It was about that time that Bob died. Flatlined. The doctors broke out the paddles and brought him back. Bob thought he had passed out when he had actually passed away.

He came to with the doctor over his face. “Come back to us now. You’re going to be okay.”

“Do you hear that music,” Bob asked, “or am I just imagining it.”

“What,” asked the doctor.

“Pearl Jam,” Bob said, “Alive.” With a laugh, the doctor replied, “Sometimes we get the music right in the operating room.”

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Gentler Insanities Anonymous

My struggles, thoughts and strategies on coping and navigating through mental illness to better mental health.